ENOUGH!

As many of you know, I am getting ready to leave to move to Colombia, South America. My flight is scheduled for 4 1/2 days away from now. Whenever I get ready to go on a new adventure, I have a jumble of feelings...fear about forgetting something or not having enough time to get everything done, excitement about what God is going to do through me when I get there, sadness about everyone I am saying goodbye to, nervousness about all of the unknowns that I am going to face, and impatience...let's just get this waiting part over with!

On this particular journey, I have even more emotions because some of my paperwork has yet to clear. So I am moving ahead like I am going to leave in 4 1/2 days, but I might not get to leave on that day. Which makes the fear of getting everything done all the more intense- there are more things to do than I originally thought. It makes the sadness stronger- I am not only sad about leaving but it is hard to know if goodbyes are really goodbyes or not and that is frustrating. And the nervousness and impatience are heightened as well. It even can cloud the excitement for this journey.

Earlier this week, I was having a rough day, having a hard time getting things done and maintaining joy in the process. I know that the enemy is trying to get me to either quit or be so wrapped up in fear and anxiety that I waste my days. Waste my last few days living in Iowa....maybe ever, who knows. The next day, I got up and was doing my devotions. I was reading old journal entries. I stumbled on one that I wrote in 2016. At that time, my trip was delayed. I came home from Africa for a 7 week trip for Christmas that turned into a year and three months because of insecurity in the area and the direction of the Lord. I had some of my worst and best days of my life in this season. One of my bad days that I was reading about sounded a lot like my rough day earlier this week. Not very productive and feeling guilt and shame about that fact...letting the enemy's voice sound stronger than anything else. In the journal, I finally made a declaration, a declaration that I declared over my life again this week! Here it is....

ENOUGH!!!!

I have HAD it with your black mail and I have HAD it with your attack on me and my character. I am following God. And no, I haven’t done it perfectly, and yes, I did mess up today. But there is so much more for Him to use me in SO I will not give up before I reach the finished line thank you very much! And I will not let you dangle the problems that I have in my life in front of my eyes to make them look bigger and scarier than God can handle. He is my focus and I am looking right past my problems and onto Him….

And thankfully, since I know how warfare works, I know that none of this has anything to do with who I am or my ability to walk out the destiny God has in store for me. Actually, back up a minute. The only thing that it is doing is strengthening me in my relationship with Him and giving me strategy to resist you even better. So thank you for the drills that you are firing off….

I am strong and courageous. I am ready for the adventure that God has in store for me. You can never steal my joy and you can never rob me of hope because I am in a kingdom of light and love and joy and hope that will never spoil or fade. He will never leave my side so you may as well scat or be pummeled in the process of victory. Because if you stick around you get to watch me enjoy the bridal banquet with my lover, and you aren’t going to like it.

9/1/16

"The beauty here can be hard to notice while you're standing on the ground." --Anonymous

After I made this declaration, I felt much better. I know that God wants me to be in Colombia. Even if I have to leave on a different date, he is going to provide for me everything I need to get there. This is a small hiccup in the grand scheme of things, and I am going to trust that God has everything in his hand to make my Colombian journey a reality. Even if I don't understand why this happening, I am not going to give the enemy one more minute of my time and waste the few precious minutes I get to live here in Iowa. I can trust that God will use this, even though I don't quite know how, to become part of the beautiful tapestry of my life, a beauty that is only truly appreciated from an aerial view.